The "One" and Other Perfect Decisions

I am such a cliche. Something I've learned since being in a serious relationship. Ever since I can remember I worried there was something weird and wrong with me - that I was not girly enough or not boy-crazy enough or not cool enough (still working on that one! Ha.) I still struggle with pursuing that "perfection." I don't mean the make-up is flawless or shirt is nicely pressed perfection. I mean I worry about making the perfect decision. In life, in relationships, in work, in church, in everything I do. I worry that if I don't make a perfect decision, then I'm going to regret it and suffer the consequence - unhappiness. In trying to avoid unhappiness, I suffer from a more common consequence - anxiety. Always anxiety.

It's my thing. It's my buddy. If we don't hang out for a while I start to miss it and look for it high and low. I start to worry that it's not there and I start inventing it. Suddenly, it appears! Out of nowhere. Phew - thank goodness my buddy is back.

It's depressing really. Why must I search out worry and anxiety? It's become a crutch for me. Probably my biggest challenge in my relationship with my husband and my relationship with God is my inability to just be content with imperfection. I have this constant worry that I haven't chosen my perfect partner, that I don't have the perfect spiritual mindset, that I don't have the right and perfect thoughts and feelings, and so many other things. Who's to say what's perfect?

Our pastor at Crosspoint recently wrote a blog about "The One." He said he often gets asked if he believes there's only one person for you in this world. He doesn't! He believes that any given person could be compatible and happy with several people in this world. Does anyone else find relief in that? I do. It means there's no perfect decision in love. It's a choice. You make a choice to spend your life with someone. You make a choice to be happy, be faithful. You make a choice every day to work harder and harder at being "the one" for your spouse. It's a pretty liberating thought to me. I have a choice in this!

It's always a fine line to me, the one separating God's plan for me and my own free will. If I'm honest, I really don't understand the difference. I struggle with good hope (optimism!) and bad hope (selfish expectations.) I struggle with thinking God is just trying to control me and my life and ignoring that he's not about control, he's about love.

I like to forget that there are few things in this world that are perfect - least of all, any decision I make. That's just how the world turns. There may be only one perfect thing in this world, and that's God's love. Still wrapping my head and heart around that one.

I get the chance to pursue perfect every day. It's a crazy blessing!